Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Madame Bovary

The Hen was being chased by an intercontinental ballistic missile with a thermonuclear warhead, and she had run through narrow alleys and subways and traffic intersections in a futile bid to escape. She had ducked, weaved and changed lanes and tried everything else that occurred to her powerful intellect, but to no avail, as the multimegaton thermonuclear warhead had relentlessly powered its way across the atlantic at hypersonic speeds crossing arctic peaks, sub-saharan tropical forests and also cruising in outer space for a while, because its homing device had locked itself onto the GPS transmitter embedded in The Hen's neck by the evil Dr.Merkw├╝rdigeliebe. So she was running along this highway, with a million computations and escape routes and back-up plans all worked out in her mind and ready to execute in a fraction of a second when she saw this huge oil tanker approaching...and she thought to herself that if she crossed over at the right moment from under the tanker, the nuclear warhead would hit it instead and everything in a 20 mile radius would go up in flames, and the entire town would be annihilated, burnt beyond recognition, which was fine because The Hen was really a Soviet spy who wanted to destroy the town in the first place, and it was all part of an elaborate communist plot to conquer the Moon and establish a monopoly in the Calciate alabaster market... so all The Hen had to do was just roll under the chassis of the oil tanker as it sped past. But the warhead was fast approaching, gaining on The Hen at hypersonic speed, its tip glowing red hot and its explosive power causing the entire shank to shudder in deathly vibration. Cars and trucks were overturned in its wake and glass panes shattered in the sonic boom, and as the moment of impact approached The Hen turned back in slow motion and the missile was reflected in the black of its deep eyes, and it knew in its bones that all it had to do was just cross over.... to just get to the other side of the road. And it did it in classic, unforgettable style.

And that honeybum, is why the chicken crossed the road.

PS: That also explains why its such a bad idea to eat chicken.