Monday, June 9, 2008

Never mention Nefertiti to a Necrophile

I have a caffeine buzz. I feel dizzy and disorientated. I’m sitting ramrod straight in a straight chair, but i feel like a warped polyhedron. I feel dizzy, my head is spinning, my palms are sweating and my fingers are trembling. There is static electricity in my gut, like charged butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I don't know if it’s the caffeine. It could be the caffeine, but I'm not sure. I hope its the caffeine. Something is pulling me, trying to align me towards the magnetic lines of flux. I am sitting up, but I feel gravity is acting on my body in the wrong direction. I feel the blood rushing to my head, like im hung upside down. I've been nodding my head for sometime now. I don't know why. I should stop. I make a mental note of it. I nod my head. I don't stop. I hope it’s the caffeine. I am looking at the computer screen, and I'm blank. My hands are working independent of the rest of my body, working on commands that my mind doesn’t remember giving, furiously typing away, dancing across the keyboard like supercharged spiders on redbull. My mind is far away, thinking something else. My eyes read what my hands are typing. It is strange...I don’t know who is typing what i'm reading. My hands are performing, and my eyes are the audience. It is all new to me. I am being told a story by a being which has possessed my fingers alone. Every word I type is a revelation. It is all heartbreakingly obvious. Damn, why didn’t I think of that before? Someone is trying to communicate to me. There is an alien chick in distress somewhere, in some parallel universe in an unknown dimension and she needs my help! I have to rescue her from the evil goblin who has captured and imprisoned her in the tallest tower of a castle. He has violently murdered the two brave adventurers who set out before me to rescue the princess and ripped open their guts. I follow the trail of intestines and lungs leading up to the topmost tower. I sight the goblin. I see him playing with a gleaming ruby-studded sword, which I realize is the instrument that I am supposed to slay him with. Seeing him use it to pick his nose is discouraging. I realize I have to sneak up behind him, snatch the sword from his disgusting hands and plunge it deep into his throat and then extract it and stab him again and again and again and again and finally bury the sword to the hilt in his left eye. Somehow I suspect that it would disappoint him. I wonder what I'll do with the other hand while I'm thrusting the blade inside his body and tearing it open. I would put it in my pocket, I guess. I could stroke the goblin's head, but they wouldn’t make awfully nice pets but then again not everyone gets to stroke a goblin's head, because they would bite your hands right off, so the best time to do it would be when there is a huge sword buried between its eyebrows. Since I don’t have anything else to do today, I think I'll kill an evil goblin. But no, wait... I realize I'm actually in the mood for a murder scene. I like gore. That's just what I want right now. So, in an unexpected show of grit and valour, I sit back on the bean bag with a coke and wait see the bit where the princess gets raped by the goblin and then gets eaten up.

I am fading away. Thank god it's wearing off. I don't know how I got here, but I'm going away now. The next time I feel sleepy, I will not be tempted. I will stick to my principles. I will NOT drink coffee. I will do the right thing. I will not chicken out. I will not give in. I will be brave and do the dignified thing, uncomfortable though it may be. I will sleep.

I make a mental note...