Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A knotty problem...

For most part I don't understand iPod earphones. If you leave them unattended on a table for a couple of minutes, they somehow seem get entangled in a knot of such bewildering complexity that you need hyperbolic invariants and supercomputer algorithms to figure out how to untie them. 

Mathematically, a tangled iPod earphone is the closest thing we have to multi-dimensional hyperspace and parallel Universes. Ancient Hindu saints and Buddhist monks knew about this. This is evident from the fact that the iPod earphone knot is one of the eight auspicious symbols in Tibetan philosophy. 

What a tangled web we weave! Have you ever wondered what to really make of all the other regular nonsense we get up to? I do. So my mind is a very crowded place.

If aliens ever landed on earth, they would naturally think that iPods are the batteries that power human beings....and that people would go into a state of suspended animation, like energiser bunnies, if the power cable that is plugged into the ears is yanked off.

I wonder how Americans can make reconnaissance satellites that can spot a cockroach flapping its wings in a North Korean nuclear power plant from 300 miles above sea level, but fail to see a huge 2000 kg Russian satellite draped in bright reflective silver foil coming its way from 12 metres away, and collide with it?

I am at a loss to understand what we mean by the word "War Crime". I wonder what could be more criminal than war.

I have a pet theory - Man invented things in the order of how badly he needed them. The things which were really needed for survival were invented first and then Man turned his attention to the less important things. It is a sound theory, and it can be easily verified too. Beer was invented before writing. Spears, bows and axes were invented before bread and clothing. Plastic surgery, chewing gum and breast enhancement were invented before a cure for Ebola.

Do you know why they never mention the ingredients on aerated soft drink cans? The conceited bastards. Let me show you a sample. 330 ml Coca Cola - Caffeine, Phosphoric acid, Glycerin, Cocaine alkaloids, Chlorine, Ethanol, Toluene, Potassium Benzoate, Aspartame, sugar and water. It reads like the contents of a nuclear waste disposal canister. They know they will never be able to move a can off the shelf. Coca-Cola's ad punchline as early as in 1910 was "Quenches the thirst as nothing else can". Really? Whatever happened to plain water? Why should there be a toxic alternative to everything?

Why do sugar-free / low-calorie food items cost more than their regular alternatives? Shouldn't it be cheaper because it has one ingredient less? By the same token, sugar-free tablets should cost nothing.

Computers are the future of the world. Cockroaches can survive a nuclear attack. Some very serious nuclear firepower is wielded by North Korea and Iran, countries where top scientists are confounded by bicycle repair kits. When you put all these seemingly unconnected facts together, you will come to the same inescapable conclusion that I have - We must teach the cockroaches how to use computers. That would save a lot of cockroaches a lot of time.

If it goes down too, why is it called a Lift?

I have a doctor-friend who has killer looks. I wonder if it’s a good thing in her line of work.

In the days of black and white TV, did they broadcast snooker games?

If there are aliens observing us, I guess they'd think we're quite peculiar. We cut down forests and then pay a lot of money to buy clothes that would make us inconspicuous in a jungle. We have jobs we don’t like doing, so that we can buy things that we don't need. We have desk jobs and lead a protected life. We've never seen a river or a stream, yet we wear 50m waterproof watches, even though we know that if we ever get that deep in water, reading the time would be the least of our worries.


Told you, my mind is a very crowded place.