Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Some more things about the Universe that don't make sense - Part II

In the following few paragraphs I have, for your benefit, succinctly summed up everything that is wrong with the world. Read on.

What exactly is the function of the earlobe?

What exactly do the judges of a Miss China beauty pageant do? I mean, it could be the easiest job in the world or it could be the most difficult job in the world. It's like either picking the winner of a lottery contest or choosing the crankshaft with the highest micrometre finish perfection out of a batch of 100,000 pieces. Either way, it’s pathetic.

What exactly do the judges of beauty pageants do in other parts of the world? It is a remarkably arbitrary task of commodity screening, and is no different from selecting potatoes at the grocer's.

Isn't it remarkable that most of the words that rhyme with Lavatory are names of places where serious scientific research is held, where ideas are born, theories expounded and rigorously tested and science makes progress? Observatory, Laboratory, Conservatory...What does that tell you about our species in general?

Flyovers. So we think we are clever. We saw all that slow-moving traffic languishing at the outskirts and figured out a way to bring it into the city sooner. And built flyovers.

Try pronouncing these - Q, Qu, Que, Queu, Queue...If no matter how many u's and e's you affix after Q the pronunciation doesn't change, why stop with 4? Why not go bonkers and add as many as you please and make it the longest word in English - just for fun? Queueueueueueueueueueueueueue? Why the hell not? Whatever is wrong with having a little fun?

Why is it easier to heat than cool? I mean, think about it. To heat up the head of a match from 32 to 260 degrees C, all it takes is a flick of the wrist. But to cool it from 32 to even 25 degrees C, you need a refrigerator that works on an elaborate ammonia exchange cycle and expansion chambers and compressors which run on electricity! Newton’s laws of cooling and the laws of thermodynamics are perfectly symmetrical, so why should entropy increase faster in one direction than in the other?

They say when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Where do they go? I mean, if they get going when it becomes hard, by definition, they aren't really tough people, are they? Tough people should stay back and slug it out. (Oh yeah, I know what it really means and I don't want to sound pedantic, but when put like that it does sound like tough people go away somewhere else when the going gets tough.)

When you say someone died of heart failure, what information are you really giving me about the cause of death? I mean, is there another way of dying?

Are South Central America and Central South America different places? There is North America, South America and United States of America. But is there actually a place called America?

If a house is in one piece, would you call it Bricks or a House? Do you call a watch "united gears and mechanisms"? No. A single undivided country cannot be called united states. If your answer to the question in the previous paragraph was "No", you were right. There is no such place as America. So ask yourself this - The United States of America is neither United, nor States nor America. It can at best be one of the three, but not all.

If you say a certain mythological creature is a man with a lion's head, how can you be sure it’s not a lion with a man's body? There are experts who argue fiercely on both sides. PhD degrees have been won and lost in both camps by experts arguing for their respective cases. So what you believe to be true in this case really depends on whom you like more - the unkempt, creepy-looking, absent minded archaeologist with half-moon spectacles and ruffled hair or the unkempt, creepy-looking, absent minded archaeologist with half-moon spectacles and a bald head.

When someone has bad vision, why are they said to have "power"? If you have extremely bad vision, will you have a superpower?

This one of the famous Queen's guards at Buckingham Palace. You can do whatever you want to him, he won’t flinch. He will stand still. Hmmmm....So, what’s the idea, huh? Guards who don't move? What good are they? Would they stand still if they see a robber?

If you see Chris Tucker crying, would you say it was (an) emotional blackmale?

Do all people who look at you over their glasses act as though they are superior? Or do only grumpy know-it-alls get Hypermetropia?