Monday, November 10, 2008


Whenever I visit a barber, no matter where, I am told to use hair conditioner. Dozens of hair-dressers over the years have told me that my hair is brittle and it needs conditioning. But you see, no matter what you say I am not going to use cosmetics. I don’t use hair conditioner for the same reason that kangaroos don’t read newspapers. How can I explain? If trees don't wear lipstick and polar bears don't use vaseline, what in God's name do I need a conditioner for?

It’s a funny thing - if you give a monkey a typewriter and a million years, it might be able to type out a manuscript of Henry VIII. Give it a tube of hair gel and it might figure out that it will make its hair sticky and stand on end, but it can’t for the love of god work out just what is to be gained by doing that to one’s hair and why anyone in the world would want to do it! So the hair gel is the hair conditioner, the laws of statistics and probability are the same and I am a monkey… See where I am going with this?